Love Examined. part II/II : Love and the Nature of Marriage.

“Those who are enjoying something, or suffering something, together, are companions. Those who enjoy or suffer one another, are not.” – That Hideous Strength, C.S. Lewis

C.S. Lewis in the third and last book of his Space Trilogy, That Hideous Strength, has a unique emphasis on the sacrament or practice of Marriage. He, to show the importance of the theme of marriage in the book, starts the book with the words of the Anglican Book of Common Worship. It states, “Matrimony was ordained, thirdly, for the mutual society, help, and comfort that the one ought to have for the other.” (1) This then creates a theme for Lewis to use in the relation of his two main characters, the newly married Mark and Jane Studdock. The overall theme of That Hideous Strength is that a proper education, use of language, and knowledge of divine institutions will provide for a society rooted in objective truth; paired with Lewis’ Abolition of Man, it aims to show the need for objective truth in a society. Although many readers overlook this theme of marriage in the book, I believe that Lewis describes what he believes to be the objective truth of marital love.


Lewis thoughts on Marriage can be summarized in the first conversation of Dr. Ransom and Jane, the wife. Jane, who is one of the keys to the coming battle of Good and Evil, is about to meet Dr. Ransom, the leader of the forces of Good. Many would think that the good Doctor would talk to her of strategy, but rather he talks with Jane almost entirely about her marriage to Mark. This conversation, I believe, symbolizes one of Lewis’ main themes in That Hideous Strength and also in many of his other works; it is this: that the key to bringing good to any society is to correctly understand and display the institutions of God in a habitual manner. This would include the correct understanding of the church, the family unit, friendship, work, recreation, and the topic of this essay, marriage.


This leads me to my first point. Understanding correct marital love is essential for the benefit of one’s specific community. A marriage, that is correctly understood and enacted in a community, acts as a light to those trying to understand how it should correctly work. Marriage, then, can be compared to a complete picture of a puzzle. Those wishing to understand marriage and complete its puzzle, can thus look to the correct understanding found in a Christian marriage to know the way to complete it. Although, I am afraid this illustration falls apart, because marriage is a puzzle that can never be fully solved until our sin nature is eradicated. I am not trying to say that a couple can have a “complete/perfect” marriage, but rather that they can have the mechanisms to actualize a fulfilling marriage.


This action again reminds us of nature of love. Love displays God. Part one of this series described the necessity of Christian love toward one another as the way in which God displays Himself to the world. This love for one another does not only manifest yourself in the church, but rather it starts with your everyday life and particularly, your spouse, if married. The world can and will see how you treat your loved ones. Marital love then also displays God’s love to the world around you, and as part one described, this comes back to the imitation of Christ which is found in living a life of humble sacrifice. This is the great paradox of losing your life in order to find it, to die in order to live.


Pope John Paul II described the public picture of marriage as this. “Christian spouses and parents can and should offer their unique and irreplaceable contribution to the elaboration of an authentic evangelical discernment in the various situations and cultures in which men and women live their marriage and their family life. They are qualified for this role by their charism or specific gift, the gift of the sacrament of matrimony.” (2) Marriage is evangelistic in the sense that you act differently/truthfully in the same cultural situations that all other families find themselves in. But what characterizes a correct Marital relationship?


Let us return to the conversation between Dr. Ransom and Jane. Jane, who is angered at her husband will defend one major point, which, ironically, our modern culture loves to triumph as well; this point is the necessity of equality for a flourishing relationship. Jane defends her belief by pointing to Mark’s inadequacies, his faults. She says to Dr. Ransom, “I don’t think I look on marriage quite as you do,” (3) and that is exactly what the problem is with Jane’s view. She views equality as what she individually thinks it is, and her problem is with with the way Mark individually views things. If marriage is done with complete equality, nothing could ever be done. It would be a crippling stand still, a stalemate in which no one could make any progress. Logically speaking a 50/50 relationship could never work. Perhaps you will say, “well, this is where sacrifice comes in,” but to that I would say: if both parties sacrifice for the benefit of the other then you have the same stalemate thus switched. The wife, sacrificing for the husband, takes his position and the husband, sacrificing for his wife, takes her position. Thus a decision remains unreached, but it is now unreached for the sake of sacrifice.


So what is the answer to equality? Simply, it is obedience. Dr. Ransom during the continuing conversation with Jane humbly presents his belief on what marriage should be. Lewis, through Ransom, shows the unique relationship of marriage: that a wife respectfully submits to her husband and the husband unconditionally loves and sacrifices for the wife. Perhaps Lewis was reminded of the story of Hosea and Gomer. The entirety of Hosea is of the husband unconditionally loving his disobedient bride who repeatedly cheats on her husband. He easily could have said, “I have an equal right to sleep around,” or “I have an equal right to divorce you,” but rather Hosea submit to an unconditional love in the hope of restoring Gomer, his adulterous wife. The same way, when a wife respectfully follows an adulterous/evil husband, not in the evil acts, she does so in the hopes of restoring his unconditional love to her. This is the position that Jane, who is a follower of the Good, will eventually take with her husband, Mark, who is currently following the Evil. Jane does not submit to the point where she violates her conscience and the Good, but in every situation that does not violate goodness and God she follows Mark.


Jane, though, in order to get to this point has to listen to the instruction of Dr. Ransom. Ransom in his talk with Jane constantly reminds her that if she wants to make progress with her husband, screaming for equality will never work, rather, humbly serving him as far as she can, will work. Ransom lovingly tells Jane, “You do not fail in obedience through lack of love, but you have lost love because you have never attempted obedience.” (4) Jane then proclaims, “I thought love meant equality and free companionship” (5) to which Ransom returns, “Yes, we must all be guarded by equal rights from one another’s greed, because we are fallen….equality guards life; (but) it doesn’t make it. It is medicine, not food.” (6) This goes with part one of this series “On Love and the Nature of God.” This is the same problem we faced in the first article. Instead of love being active, it has become passive. Love is now reactionary. This is what Lewis is arguing against. Marital love should not be one reacting to a plea for equal rights, it should be an active giving of oneself to the betterment of the other. Ransom, to enforce this, then states, “Those who are enjoying something, or suffering something together, are companions. Those who only enjoy or suffer one another, are not.” (7Lewis wants his reader to see that this modern “love” of equality or tolerance is not equality at all; it is the opposite. It cause a wife/husband dichotomy instead of wife/husband unity. According to Lewis, “obedience – humility – is an erotic (marital) necessity.” (8) Jane had been, “putting equality just where it ought not to be.” (9)


Again love is not equality. Love is comfort, but not in the modern sense. Love comes alongside someone to strengthen them. This is what is meant by comfort. You “fort”-ify the one you love. This means telling them when they are wrong. To do anything less is to actually dislike, even hate, the person. For, if you know the truth and do not try and persuade the people you love of the truth, you in fact prove that your love for them is shallow and passive, but this loving persuasion must be paired with humility. This is what Jane embodies. She is the wife who, when she finds “the Good,” both acts humbly and begs her husband to reconsider what he is doing because he is countering what is true. It is with this pairing of truth and humility that Mark returns to his wife. The book begins with Jane doubting the concept of marriage and fidelity, and it ends with Jane and Mark being reunited in a deeper understanding of love.


This is then the epitome of marital love: imitation of Christ. It is the combination of humility and truth. Lewis does not mention this in That Hideous Strength, but it is seen in his other writings, and it is seen in the writings of all the great doctors and teachers of the Church. As part one of this examination of love stated, we know what true love is, because God displayed His love in the God-man, Jesus Christ. It is by this we can see, experience, and partake in love. So what does marital love look like from our knowledge of Christ?


1. Marital love is sacrificial: The same way Christ sacrificed himself for the church so should the husband and wife sacrifice for each other each day. If it comes to it, the man should love his wife so much to physically die for her.

2. Marital Love is forgiving: The same way Christ forgave sinners of their trespasses, so the husband and wife should forgive each other of their sins. I would even argue that Christ allowing for a divorce in sexual sin situations, is not Him desiring it. It is the exception to the rule of fidelity but not the rule. Again, Christ’s forgiveness is unconditional, and so should ours. This can be seen in the account of Hosea and Gomer.

3. Marital Love should be gracious: There will be times in the journey of marriage where each spouse will grow at a faster rate, and there will be times where each spouse fails. It is important for each spouse to extend grace when grace is due. Use failure as a means of growth. Christ did so with his disciples, do so with your spouse.

4. Marital Love does not retaliate: sometimes a spouse will become frustrated and will wrongly be angered. It is important to remember that Christ did not retaliate when he was wrongly accused but acted humbly. In doing this you will show them their error. If you retaliate, Christ is not imitated and love is not displayed.

5. Marital love is faithful: when the disciples deserted Christ, Christ did not desert them. He died for them. There will be times when your spouse figuratively deserts you, and it is your job to remember that Christ is unconditionally faithful.

6. Marital love bears burdens: Christ carried the burden of the cross and the weight of world’s sin. It is therefore your job as Galatians 6 states to carry the burden of your spouse in love. If they are struggling with a burden, it becomes your burden as well. Remember, you are co-journeyers that are united as one.

Last and not least. One that is very often overlooked.

7. Marital love is manifested in bearing children: The same way Christ is the Son of God, so we imitate God in the fact that we produce children as well. Adam was created in the image of God, and Adam then had a son in his image. This is the image of sonship. For, If Christ is the exact image of God, why is this so? Because, Christ is his Son of God, eternally begotten. Humans then imitate God’s “nature” in the birth of children. Children then are an act of sanctification for parents. Marriage involves having children.


As a wife obeys, and a husband loves unconditionally, they mutually seek to obey God and His commandment to love one another. Remember Dr. Ransom’s warning? Love is not about suffering and enjoying one another, but suffering and enjoying things together. Marital love is focused on how to approach situations, ideas, and people together as one, not about how to approach each other in various situations. You are co-journeyers, living life together, helping each other. Marriage is the beginning of a journey; it is not a destination, and this journey will challenge you. You will be forced to work together to endure hardships. You will help each other in the “so-called” mundane tasks of raising children, making a budget, shopping, and cooking, and you will realize that these “so-called” mundane acts are some of the greatest growing points. When your spouse falters, and you come alongside to strengthen them, you will see the beauty of the cross. The one who falls will see grace, and the one who carries the burden will see a changed life. And, as the two, united as one, do these mundane, public acts for all to see they, if imitating Christ, will display the love of God to their community.


1. Lewis, C. S. That Hideous Strength. London: Voyager, 2003. Print. pg 11.

2. Hogan, Richard M., and John Paul. Covenant of Love: Pope John Paul II on Sexuality, Marriage, and Family in the Modern               World. Garden City, NY: Doubleday, 1985. Print.

3. Lewis, C. S. That Hideous Strength. London: Voyager, 2003. Print. pg. 144.

4. Ibid. pg. 144.

5. Ibid. pg 145.

6. Ibid. pg. 145.

7. Ibid. pg. 145.

8. Ibid. pg 146.

9. Ibid. pg. 146.

Love Examined. part I/II : Love and the Triune Nature of God.

Love. What is it? So many people claim to have it, but how many truly do? People have said love to be indescribable, some have said that love is pure commitment, and others pure emotion and elation. Love can be rationalized; love can be romanticized. But what is love? Love has been described as many things, but it can only be one. In our modern subjective world, many thinkers have created definitions for the word “love” and many of them, when challenged, then lean on the crutch of relativism to defend their position. Love, then, from this confusion has come to be known as acceptance and tolerance.


In relationships, women “dump” men who do not accept them for who they are. On social networking websites, disagreements run rampant because others cannot accept certain beliefs. These people become known as “haters” because they do not follow the law of love, acceptance. In families, sons and daughters carry disdain for their parents, because their parents do not understand their so called “needs” and refuse to accept their petty demands. No matter what arena of life you enter, love, from its myriad of definitions, has lost its true meaning and has been reduced to tolerance.


So what is the true meaning of love? Can we know what love truly is?

The Apostle John states, “Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.” (1) Humanity, by the eternal Logos, Jesus Christ, is given the superlative of love, to sacrifice one’s life for his friends. But how can this be? The greatest command from God was to love Him with all my heart, mind, soul, and strength and then my neighbour as myself. How can Jesus have these two ideas of the greatest “love” cooperate?


Christ, when speaking to the disciples in John 15, brilliantly displays the eternal truth of love. True love and the greatest good even in John 15 is this: the imitation of Christ through humility which results in partaking of the divine nature of God. Let me explain. In the following verses of John 15 the Apostle John writes of Jesus saying to his disciples, “Ye are my friends, if ye do whatsoever I command you….I have called you friends; for all things that I have heard of my Father I have made known unto you.” (2) Christ describes that love consists of doing what He commanded; it consists of imitating Him. A true friend of Jesus, whom He as a man “laid down His life for,” will follow Him and will have a life that resembles His.


And why does Jesus wish this? Because Jesus, Himself, has been displaying the Father to them. Jesus is telling His disciples that imitating Him, a distinct person of the Trinity, is imitating the one essence of God. Later in Jesus’ dialogue He states, “But when the Comforter is come, whom I will send unto you from the Father, even the Spirit of truth, which proceedeth from the Father, he shall testify of me.” (3) Love is in its essence Trinitarian. Let me explain.


The Trinity works in a way that displays all three persons of the Godhead. Christ magnifies the Father, the Father exalts the Son, the Father and Son emit the Holy Spirit, and then the Holy Spirit magnifies Christ. It is in this act of aseity or oneness that God magnifies himself to the world. So then when Christ says, “when the Comforter (Holy Spirit) is come…he shall testify of me” He is revealing that true love in His disciples will result in humble imitation (sacrifice) and partaking in the divine nature of God. For, when we accept the saving grace of Christ, we receive the Holy Spirit as a down payment. The Holy Spirit then magnifies Christ to our mind, renewing us, causing us to live sacrificially, and in imitating Christ, through the Spirit, we then imitate the Father.


Again, the Apostle John speaks of this act in the epistle of 1 John. He states:

Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins….No man hath seen God at any time….Hereby know we that we dwell in him, and he in us, because he hath given us of his Spirit. And we have seen and do testify that the Father sent the Son to be the Savior of the world. Whosoever shall confess that Jesus is the Son of God, God dwelleth in him, and he in God. (4)


Again, love is of God, for God is love. And God is Trinitarian, so then his love manifests itself in a Trinitarian way. God is the highest good, the fullness of what love truly is. Thus our love must also follow what Christ, the fullness of God and man, did. He sacrificed. He lowered Himself to live a life of service on this earth in the form of his very own creation; then He lowered Himself to death even the death of the cross. And this God, who is the best and highest good, is thus worthy of our love. And loving Christ will result in imitating Him, and imitating Him results in obeying His commands, and obeying his commands results in a rightly ordered life.


And why does Christ command this? Why is this important? Because the same way the Spirit displays Christ, who displays the love of God to us, so we as the Church display the love of God to the world. Hence this theology of love is also practical. He writes in John 13, “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.” (5) The Church then, as it loves one another in its imitation of Christ, displays the love of God. If the Church clothes the naked, feeds the hungry, and gives drink to the thirsty, it shows the world the love of Christ.


But, love must be a full display of Christ to the world. The same way Christ stood for morality, so also should Christians. In the same way, Christ rebuked the hypocrites so should the Church. The same way Christ was righteously angry so also should Christians. But, can these acts, alone, fully display the love of Christ?


No, for all of these acts, whether feeding the poor, rebuking hypocrites, or correcting immorality, are of an external nature. This means that these acts carry the possibility to be done for the wrong reasons. For, if a man can die for the faith without love and give all he has to the poor without love, then this love must be something deeper.


The love of God is much deeper than this. The love of God is a change of motives. Previously, in chapter 13, Christ washed His disciples feet, and in doing this He showed them that humility is the key to loving one another. For, after washing their feet, He told them to do likewise to each other. Christ was demanding a heart change from his disciples, and it was in this heart change that the world would see Christ. The love of God is philosophically a motive that manifests itself in an action; it is not just an action, and it is not just a motive. Thus love is fully recognized in a humble act that has a sacrificial motive.


Sacrifice, exalt others, and in doing this you will display Christ. Love changes one’s motive from serve self to serve Christ, which will manifest itself in serving others. Yes, actions are necessary in displaying the love of God, but this love is something deeper. It’s a changed heart. It’s the ability to balance your emotions, thoughts, and motives in order to address every situation in a correct manner. Love changes the thoughts of man from “what can I get?” to “what can I give?” It changes the emotions of man from “what can satisfy me?” to “how can I satisfy others?” And, it changes the motives of man from “how do I preserve myself?” to “how can I sacrifice myself to help others?” This is Love, to sacrifice one’s life for his brother and in doing so imitate the Triune God.


Love is not tolerance, love is humble sacrifice. Love does not react in passivity, love acts with humility. In doing this we imitate the very nature of God. Let us all pray with Saint Augustine:

“O Love ever burning, never quenched! O Charity, my God, set me on fire with your love! You command me to be continent. Give me the grace to do as you command, and command me to do what you will!” (6)


1.The Holy Bible: King James Version. Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 1995. Print. John 15:13.
2. John 15:14-15.
3. John 15:26.
4. 1 John 4:11-15
5. John 13:34-35
6. St. Augustine. The Confessions. New York: Collier, 1961. Print.

Happiness Examined

Let me ask you a question: What is it in your life that if you lost it, you would think my life just went down in value? What would you have to lose to become unhappy? What is it? Your spouse? Your children? Your job? Your degree? Your money? Your house? Your religion? Your fame/popularity?


All humans have a common denominator; every man, woman, and child have something that unanimously binds them. All humans are united in this singular action. WHAT IS IT? Simply put, it is the pursuit of happiness. Every human, while living their life on earth, is searching for that one object that can bring them happiness, so we could say that the highest and common good for man on this earth is his pursuit of happiness.


For Christians and all people of faith, whether Mormon, Muslim, Jew, Scientologist, or Zoroastrian, the highest good is God. Deists would say that it is their duty to pursue God. God is their highest and common good. So this begs the question, if the highest good for man is the pursuit of happiness, but most men believe the highest good is God, how can these two statements be true? Simply, Because God is Happiness.


All men when they seek happiness do not seek happiness in things which are bad, do they? No, they seek that which they believe to be good, so it can also be said that man seeks goodness when he seeks happiness. This makes one realize that happiness and goodness are one in the same. A man seeking happiness is seeking goodness. If happiness is the same as goodness, and God is happiness, then it can be said that God is Goodness, which we know to be true. Therefore we can see that it is not wrong to say that God is Happiness. He is the summum bonum, “the highest good.”


Now, let’s return to the proposition that man seeks happiness through objects. If happiness is something that all men seek, can it be said that happiness can be found in a singular object?  Do all men find their happiness in wealth? What of fame? What of power? What of their career? What of their family? All men find happiness in different objects, so can it be said that man can find happiness in an object? If all men seek happiness, but all men seek it through different objects, can it be said that the happiness comes from the object? No, for the happiness is not in the objects, but in what we have stated earlier, God, who is Happiness and the Goodness itself.


So what does all this mean? What is the purpose of proving Happiness is found in God and not objects? Contentment, something that is not often preached in our day and age, but has been praised by all men whether Plato, Aristotle, Confucius, St. Paul, or Jesus Christ. Boethius, a fifth century lawyer and Christian thinker, wrote, “A man who knows how to find contentment can be happy in any and all circumstances.” (1) This is similar to what St. Paul said in Philippians 4, “Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content. I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound: every where and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need.” Every object found in our world is not constant. Every object is given to us and taken away from us by fortune or misfortune. Therefore it makes no logical sense to find happiness in things that are inconsistent, but in that which is the true constant, God.


One will always be happy and content if he realizes how he came into the world, and from whom he receives all things. Your happiness will be constant if you find it in the Happiness itself which we know to be God. If our happiness is to be found in God, we must be free of finding our happiness in objects. This is not to say we cannot enjoy objects, but it does mean that we have to give thanks for all objects. Every man for all of history has come from his mother’s womb naked and without any objects in his possession, and every man leaves this world the same way, without the things of this earth in his possession.


So What is it? What object would cause your life to lose value? What object would you have to lose to become unhappy? Whatever it is, remember that it can never satisfy your desire for happiness, for there is no happiness in an object that can be lost. Happiness can only be found in the one constant in all of history. God, who is Happiness and who is Goodness.

1. Boethius, The Consolation of Philosophy, Book II.